Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts

Friday, April 17, 2015

Nothing And Everything

Blogging can be a whole bunch of pressure if allowed to be. It quite honestly can take over my every day. Before I began blogging, I really never gave it any thought. I would spend my evenings perusing some of my favorite blogs and I'd gather inspiration from one, and add a new recipe to my Pinterest board from another, and then learn a new painting technique from yet another. I never really gave any of it much thought, how much time these women were putting into making these posts for my entertainment and growth, and many of them, get little to no pay for all their time and effort. They do it because they enjoy it. Then, a year ago, I joined the many thousands of women bloggers. Those crazy women that actually enjoy sharing and inspiring and teaching and growing other women for no other reason than the fact that it just feels right. It is their calling

I love having this little space to write about the real, and painful and inspiring parts of my everyday life. During this depression season of mine, it has been really hard to keep writing at times. Sometimes on Sunday, I sit there staring at my keyboard with no thoughts flowing at all, not a single one. I allow myself to be afraid and worry that maybe, that's it, maybe I have nothing left to say. But when that desperation arrives, He always whispers something inside of me at just the right moment and my thoughts begin to race faster than I can write them all down. 

So this is a post about nothing and everything. It's a post about how sometimes I am empty, then He inspires me and refills me. It's about how grateful I am that I have you all in my life when I need you most. When you comment on a post, it does matter, hugely. I do read EVERY single one and I do smile EVERY time I see a new comment in my Inbox because it lets me know that I'm not alone and that you do care. So thank you, each and every one of you. You have all made such an impact in my life. I wish I could just hug each of you {that's not too creepy, is it?}

Have a blessed weekend y'all!

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Monday, August 11, 2014

Overcoming 2014

After Friday's post on Becoming 2014, my next logical post should be on leaps forward and triumphant adventures, but this post is not about those, it's about fear, more specifically, overcoming fear. Fear is so heavy and crippling. I was e-x-t-r-e-m-e-l-y afraid to attend my first conference, and that may seem so silly to many of you, but I think that some of you, may wholly understand. It's nothing new for me. I first experienced this fear when I went off to college, where some days it was so overwhelming that I could not even attempt to make it to class. Sometimes that one day would turn into three, and yes, it was very hard to keep my grades up not attending classes. I couldn't grasp what I was afraid of, but I knew that I was afraid. 

Then one day, twenty three years ago, I met the most kind and caring man, and we were married. We had children and I became a stay at home mom, and eventually began homeschooling our children. Intentionally or not, my world became smaller and very easy to control. Fast forward to now and our children are older and I want to explore my passions, you know, what I want to be when I grow up. And guess what? That fear that I buried so long ago- it's still there. It didn't go anywhere. It's just been in hibernation.  

Last Friday evening, was my first night at Becoming 2014 in the smokey topped mountains of North Carolina. At 6:15 p.m., I was supposed to attend the welcome meeting. I did not. I was so overcome with fear, I couldn't leave my room. Instead I buried myself in a scrumptious piece of key lime pie. You'd do the same, right? Then, I began to pray and wonder. I wondered how all of the women here had managed to get to the welcome meeting when I didn't. I wondered if I was the only woman here paralyzed by fear. In this whole huge conference center, was I the only one in my room? Prayer led me to reflect upon a reply I'd received from another blogger. I had commented on a post by Edie on her blog Life In Grace {she's blogging royalty y'all and she just happened to be speaking at this conference}. I had mentioned to her that I'd be attending the conference and that I was looking forward to hearing her speak, and also that I was quite fearful of my adventure. She replied, "My secret for myself at conferences is I try to not focus on myself and how nervous or fearful I am, but instead, I try to focus on others and see if there’s someone I can be a blessing to. It really helps!!" I prayed over her reply and was so grateful for her advice. She's quite right, you know? I did finally make it out of my room, whew! When I looked outside of my fear, I did begin to see others that were attending the conference alone. I smiled a little more freely, BUT I just couldn't get up enough nerve to say "hi" to Edie when she was done speaking. Small steps of progress people- small steps- I did smile more!

So now that my first weekend away has come to a close, what did I learn? I learned that fear is a huge, vicious monster that steals opportunities. I don't like it at all! I have many new goals for myself at this time in my life and every single one of them requires me to conquer my fear first. So, through baby steps, I will fight this fear and I will slowly but surely prevail. Becoming 2014 is now Overcoming 2014. And, now it's your turn- do you have fears standing in your way? Share y'all- share!

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Friday, August 8, 2014

Becoming 2014

Today, as you're reading this post, I'm on my way to Becoming 2014. I've never been away from my husband and kids for a weekend, so this is big girl stuff, and I'm quite nervous. I've almost cancelled twice. No lie, phone in my hand, dialing the conference center, and then bravely hanging up. I'm afraid, but I'm ready for this adventure. Ready to grow and flourish. Ready to live and learn. It's time to spread my wings and fly!

The Becoming 2014 Conference has three main focuses: becoming creative, purposeful, and frugal. There are many inspiring bloggers there, some that I've followed for years, and I know that this blog and I both will benefit greatly by me attending. So today, I'm pointing myself toward the mountains of North Carolina, and I'm quite afraid {I know, I'm over using that word, but I am, well, AFRAID}. Keep me in your thoughts this weekend, will you, as I walk down this new path of mine. I'll appreciate it ever so! 

So, what has you shaking in your boots right now? Going back to school, beginning your homeschooling journey, some other new adventure? Why don't we just hold hands virtually, put one foot in front of the other, and L-E-A-P together!

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Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Puttin' The Brakes On Summer

If you have been reading this blog for long, you may have caught a whiff of my secret. I suffer from depression. No one really wants to talk about it, because, it's, well, depressing. Mine is always worse during the winter months. But this last winter, whoa, it was h-o-r-r-i-b-l-e! If you suffer from depression too, God bless you! It is so debilitating and because others can't see it, then they tend to disregard it as something you can control. Take a shower, exercise, see a doctor, read the bible more, do more for others.......the advice is endless! They may mean well, but if they don't live with depression, they have no idea how hard it is and that you can't just "shake it off". This past winter, I felt like I was drowning and I'm not exaggerating when I say I barely made it to spring sane. On top of trying to tread water all those dark months, I'm a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom. It's tough.

So why write about it now? I've noticed that for the first time, I'm soaking up summer like I'm just parched. I can't get enough of it's warmth and light. I've ALWAYS looked forward to fall, but not this year. I can feel my heels digging into the soil as my body puts the brakes on summer coming to an end. I look at the calendar with dread as June flew by and now July following quickly behind. I'm passing through each day of summer kicking and screaming- NO, please don't gooooooo! I feel my anxiousness as time seems to be whizzing by.

So why am I telling y'all about my secret? Because I know that I'm not alone in my depression and fear and you're not alone either. There's safety in numbers and if we can come together and share our secrets and fears, they become smaller some how and easier to defeat. Transparency is the devil's enemy. If we feel alone and desperate, we are far from God's desires for us. 

I have quite a passion for writing here on this blog and sharing with y'all, but it's so much more fun when it's not a one sided conversation. If you suffer from depression, please feel free to share in the comment section below, and I'm quite sure that when we come together we will find strength. We can help one another and maybe this winter will not be as dark as the last one. Thanks for stopping by and remember that you are not alone in your sufferings!

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Monday, June 2, 2014

How To Survive And Thrive On One Income {Part One}

This blog has been so much fun! I love coming here to journal about all our homeschooling adventures, the yummy recipes and the wow factor of the before and afters, but my real passion is being a stay at home wife and mom. How in the world I'm I able to stay at home and raise and school our children? Let's get a few things out of the way right off the top. No, my husband doesn't make six figures nor has he ever. No, we don't have "family money". Are we just smarter than most people, exceptionally gifted in some way that makes it easy for us to make lots of money without even trying too hard, definitely not! So, how do we survive in this two income world on only one income? Well, I'm going to tell you. Is it easy? Absolutely not. Is it worth it? My goodness, yes! I've broken down this journey into four parts. These four parts will be my next four posts, so stay tuned. I know from experience that this issue can be a touchy one for some couples. If it's something that you've found yourself considering, then this post's for you.

1.   A United Front

You should know that the most important component is a united front. The decision to live on one income cannot be a choice that one spouse or the other is more in favor of, you BOTH must desire this lifestyle equally. If one of you wants it more than the other, don't go any further, don't read on, because this lifestyle takes two. Believe me when I say that if one of you wants it more than the other, it will only be fodder for disagreements later on. This lifestyle is challenging and you don't need "who's idea was this anyway?" coming up in arguments when the going gets tough. If it's something that you are both in agreement about, then read on! My husband and I decided a long while back {I've been at home full time for 18 years} that if I wanted, I could be at home with our then only child. The decision to homeschool followed a couple of years after that. This lifestyle takes a whole lot of prayer and consideration. If you and your husband are a united front, then you've conquered the first step to living on one income. This is a really important step too! Please join me tomorrow for step two in this five part series.

Tomorrow we're going to talk about how your life should look as you learn to live with less and find more joy than you ever thought possible! This lifestyle is naturally rewarding and even though it can be stressful in the beginning, don't throw in the towel. Keep plodding forward one day at a time and before you know it, you'll be amazed at how far you've come. Join me right back here tomorrow morning for Part Two! 

Please click  here  for Parts 2-5 in this series!

Linking Up At:

*A Life In Balance*  Happiness Is Homemade* * Creative Mama Messy House*  *Sincerely Paula*  *Living Well Spending Less*

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

On Kicking Fear To The Curb

" The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? "
Psalm 27:1

Our fear shows up in different places at different times and in different ways. But it shows up and always it's root is the same. Satan wants us to doubt. He wants us to doubt our belief in God's promise to us. We all have fear for different reasons and in different circumstances. Here's what mine looks like right now. We are renters. And with renting, by it's very nature, there can be some fear of the future involved. You live in a home that you don't control the when's or if's. The owner may want to sell and it's not in your control. Even in the best of circumstances, in the very back of your mind somewhere, you know that someone could choose to sell "your" house. That can eat you up if you let it. There are two kinds of renters. Some that are just in a very temporary frame of mind and they just live in a state of limbo not investing any time or money into their space. Others consider their home "their" home and they pour their heart and sole into that home. I've always been the latter. This is our second rental home in our twenty three years together, and it's always the same. I love on our home, no matter who's name is on the deed. Most often I know in my heart that we are in this home of ours because God placed us here. But every now and then, fear rears it's ugly head in my heart. An immobilizing fear that sucks the breath right out of me. I don't just consider fear an emotion. I consider it an all out attack by Satan himself. God promised us " though an army may encamp against me, my heart shall not fear". That's how I know that Satan is trying to come between me and God's promise to me. 

Since beginning this blog and preparing to open an Etsy shop soon, I've fallen even more in love with this house of ours, this gift from God. Journaling our life in photographs has caused me to slow down long enough to see what a beautiful life we have here, Satan despises my joy and causes fear and doubt to creep in. "What are you doing? Why are you investing so much of yourself in this house? It's not even YOURS! Not even yours!". That's what fear sounds like in my heart. At church last Wednesday evening, as the pastor began his discussion on prophecy, my heart heard something altogether different. God showed up and spoke right into my fearful heart. God desires all of us to "fear not", but to flourish exactly where he has planted us. Even if that's in someone else's house. God's light and the darkness that is fear, just don't go together. So that's my fear and this is what I do about it. I remind myself that God promised to provide for my needs TODAY. I walk outside and look around at this amazing house God provided us with, and then I log onto my account and order yards and yards of oilcloth to make table runners and weather proof banner's for my soon-to-be Etsy shop............

.......and while I'm doing all this I snub my nose at Satan and smile reeeeal big! And that's how I kick my fear to the curb!

And, on a lighter note, our oldest son came by on Mother's Day and grilled a huge party worthy lunch. Oh my it was fabulous! 

I hope your weekend was joy filled. Happy Tuesday everyone, go forth and have a FEARLESS week!
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