Showing posts with label Crohn's Disease. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Crohn's Disease. Show all posts

Monday, July 25, 2016

Balance Lost

Balance is a skill that has eluded me most of my adult life. Since before I was a blogger, I've admired many a fellow blogger as she writes of some terrible tragedy in her life, or some life altering illness, and somehow she keeps right on blogging during her recovery process while at the same time juggling homemaking and three little kids. It baffles me how these women manage in what seems like a flawless dance where at the end of each day, they've managed to get it all done. I don't know how they do it. I'm not that woman. My life's not flawless, sometimes it's a bumpy, lumpy mess.

I've been gone for a while from this little blog of mine. I've felt all the emotions that go along with that. Failure, guilt, I've felt lots of those. I found that I wasn't one of those other women, one that keeps on ticking {remember those old Timex commercials??}, nor was I the infamous energizer bunny. Nope, I was a mere mortal, that during tough times, I retreated into myself to heal and could barely get anything done. I've been in survival mode for months and I'm a little ragged looking around the edges. Our home has been in the care of our three littles for what seems like forever. Praise the Lord for children and husbands willing to not only help out in tough times, but literally take my place. I don't know what I'd do without them.

No, I'm not dying, {whew!}, but figuring out what's wrong with me has been a months long battle. In hindsight, I guess I started feeling a little off last December, tired more than usual. It continued throughout the winter and then in March, I had that totally random pinched nerve thing, so crazy. I've not gotten back to my old self since that occurred. I've been completely exhausted for months and it's changed everything. A couple of months ago, more obvious symptoms began to quickly unfold and I was going from doctor to doctor and test to test searching for an answer. Then, a few weeks ago, it became extremely clear what was wrong with me, I was having my first Crohn's flair-up in thirty years.

If any of you have Crohn's disease or know someone that does, you'll know that not ever having a flair-up in thirty years is a miracle in itself. People with Crohn's are sick y'all, like messed up all the time. Believe me, I know how blessed my life has been. No doctors, no meds for thirty years, that's practically unheard of, which is why I've not even considered that I may be feeling ill because of my Crohn's, last thing on my list y'all. I'm still in the testing phase of this current issue trying to pinpoint exactly where my Crohn's has flared this time, and yes, the tests are not pleasant. It requires that I be put to sleep, over and over, and nobody likes that, but we do what we gotta do, right?

I guess that the burden of not knowing what was wrong with me was laying so heavily upon me that I just stopped writing. I wasn't seeing very much beauty or joy around me and I felt that I had absolutely nothing to write about, the words all dried up. I've missed this place so much and y'all, I've missed y'all so much. I'm praying that I'm here to stay, back on this little blog, but if I go missing, please know that I'm healing.

It hasn't been all doom and gloom over here. Since I've let the house go all to _____, {well, I'll let you fill in the blank!} we have done a bit of camping, and we have several more trips planned this year that I can't wait to tell you all about! I'm so excited, squeal! We've been camping in our little pop-up for a whole year now and it's waaaaay past time for me to write a little one year anniversary post. And just in case you're wondering, I'm still totally smitten by camping, totally!

I've missed this little place and y'all so much, hopefully there's still someone out there that waited for me and didn't loose hope. Give me a shout out if you're still here, it would really make my day! Hugs sweet ones and thanks so much for sticking around!

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