Saturday, March 28, 2015

And The Fog Rolls Out


As it always happens, I finally had a little breakthrough and my depression fog lifted slightly. Our girls were at a local arts class they attend weekly and it was just Matthew and I. I must confess, after dropping off the girls, I really didn't want to go back home. It's seriously been a mess around here for awhile and even with the hubby and kids pitching in tons, it still needed a mama's love. We've been kind of stalled lately, dang depression. So I began to talk to myself inside my head and I said, 'it's time to put your big girl panties on and go straight home and do some cleaning......... you can do this'. You give yourself pep talks inside your head too, right???? So I did. I drove home and looked around........ oh boy, where in the world to start, everything has been so neglected for so long. I decided that I would only tackle the dining room and kitchen area. So much dust everywhere and the stove was a mess, quite overwhelming honestly. Now, here's where the story gets a little weird. I decided to clean the dining table first. The night before it had been ground zero for an art project, picture tons of sand and paint, don't we have a craft room, oh well, I digress. As I cleared off the table and began to scrub the wood, searching for the luster it had just a month before, I began crying, then all out bawling. It had been so long since I had cleaned anything, so long since my hands had touched a cleaning cloth, that it was overwhelming and weirdly cathartic all at the same time. The more I scrubbed the more I cried. 

That was Tuesday, and little by little, each day I conquered another little neglected area until at long last, I'm done. Completely done. So that's how it happens for me, gradually the fog lifts and loosens it's grip on my soul, and life as I knew it slowly returns. 
More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
                                                                                                                    Romans 5: 3-5


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18 comments:

  1. Oh! I am so sorry you suffer from depression, Amy. Two of my good friends suffer from it on a deep level. As a friend, I just feel so helpless to do anything for them. I am glad the fog has lifted for you for now. That is always a good feeling for my friends, I know.
    Just think, your Spring cleaning is done!!! xo Diana

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    1. Thank you so much for stopping by this morning! And yes, spring cleaning- DONE! Hallelujah!

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  2. So happy to hear that you are feeling better. Love you friend!
    Blessings
    Diane

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    1. I came so close to keepin' on going after your house............. so glad I didn't! Love you too.

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  3. I am so happy for you!! I give myself pep talks too. I just raise my head say "You can do this, Philippians 4:13 for pete's sake" and go do what I need to do until my "fog" lifts. You go girl!!

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  4. So pleased to hear you are finding your way out of the fog Amy. I get the outburst of tears. I have found myself sitting on the toilet and bursting into teas! TMI I know :o lol. I think that happens to me in the little room because I think Hubby won't hear me in the rest of the house. I am happy you are "on the up" and I wish you a lovely and warm weekend. <3 xo

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  5. God Bless you Amy.....you are always in my prayers.

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  6. I am sooo happy that you are beginning to feel better Amy. Like I said before, I love your honesty, you are a great lady.

    ~Bobbie

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  7. Yes, countless conversations with myself are the norm for me too. Some times the voice is a catalyst for change, some times it just isn't very nice at all, we can be so very critical when we speak to ourselves. I too find cleaning to be cathartic, often a way to work our what ever ails me and a good cry is can be just what is needed to release pent up emotions. It has been a long dreary winter, so happy to hear the fog is lifting for you. A side note, I absolutely love your table and chairs, so cheerful and they certainly made me smile!

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  8. Aww, I feel for you depression is a horrible things. I am happy you got your cleaning done and a good cry out now let's pray the fog stays lifted and brighter days are ahead :)

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  9. Clinical depression is not always understood. I have been on meds for many years and I am so thankful for good doctors and meds. Not something I wanted to do. Always thought I could beat this .......with God's help. God led me to a christian psychiatrist. What a blessing!
    Like diabetes etc, our bodies don't always make the hormones we need. I have always been blessed with loving family and friends.
    Thanks for sharing.
    Easter Blessings!
    Eileen

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  10. Every time you write, you help me too Amy! You are a brave and beautiful woman! x Alicja

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  11. I have been on medicine, too ever since I had a post partum depression 11 years ago. I never thought I would have to go that route but after trying natural progesterone etc. that did not help I had do what allowed me to function at a normal level. when we suffer we are close to Jesus and we can unite those sufferings to His, this is why we are called the Mystical Body of Christ, The Church. He is always with us. I am now experiencing some kind of hip pain and I can only be on my feet for about 10 min at a time. X rays showed nothing and blood work for arthritis was negative have to see a sport med doctor next week. maybe burecitis, not sure. Anyway I have come to the point in my life and my faith to realize in our weakness he is our strength!!!

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  12. Amy, so happy to hear the fog is lifting .. Sending prayers for you.. May you continue to feel better.. So happy , that you got the cleaning done..[wish I was close by.. I would gladly have come and helped you.]
    Hugs.

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    1. Judy, you are awesome {wiping tears from my eyes} ! Thank you and I too am so grateful it's lifting! Happy Easter week!

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  13. As I read through the above comments, it let me know that lots of people love you Amy, and are praying for you, myself included. I've just found your blog recently, and your beautiful heart shines through in all you say, and I'm glad to hear you are feeling better!

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  14. I'm glad the fog has lifted for you Amy. Thank you for sharing your story with us at Merry Monday!

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When y'all leave comments, my heart just swells! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

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