Monday, September 29, 2014

I'm Afraid To Look...... Is Fall Here Yet?




Friends, I have a confession today. Amidst all this fall posting I've been doing lately, there's a swelling, underlying fear that I just can't shake. I'm trying to embrace all of fall. Hoping beyond hope that I can deceive even my own self. I suffer from seasonal depression. Check my posts  here and here for more on that. Last winter was the worst yet, and I think I literally had to claw my way out of March and into April. I began suiting up in my battle armor in August. Sound crazy? That's how bad last winter was. I'm a planner o.k.? I needed to have a carefully crafted plan of attack in hopes of finding a different outcome for this winter season. I began dreading fall, which was once my favorite time of year, because to my brain, fall is ushering in the beast of winter. 



I do have a plan for conquering winter's darkness and I'll be posting more on that another time, but for now, I'll just keep right on with the pretense I'm creating for my own self that I LOVE fall. I'm thinking that if I live it, I'll finally feel it? Right? Do any of you suffer from seasonal depression? If you do, you know all too well how this feels, and for those of you that don't, count your lucky stars. So for now, I'll keep pinning up the cornstalks on the porches, tossing pumpkins here and there, and telling everyone that'll listen how much I'm enjoying these glorious cool, crisp, amber days of fall, until maybe I even convince myself. One can hope, right? I'll keep doing what I know how to do. I'll move things around my house which always makes me happy. I'll craft something new and shift the knick-knacks on my mantle one more time until I have that a-ha moment. That's how I do things, that's what makes me smile. 




So, when you visit, and maybe even enjoy some post I've done with a fallish theme, say a little prayer for me will you, because I'm shaking in my boots over here, trying to be really brave about it all. And if you suffer too, let me know in the comments so I can say a little prayer for you too!


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8 comments:

  1. It seems as though you would never name a daughter A....n. This is our favorite time of year so we named our daughter after it. I understand where you're coming from though. My heart goes out to you and I will pray. Enjoy some sweet potato pie.

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    1. It's funny, 3 of our 4 littles were born in the fall! Conquering this demon has a lot to do with perception shifts. Thank you for reminding me of another reason fall is so special to me!

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  2. I completely despise fall because I dread winter so much. I keep trying to have a better attitude about it, but I've not gotten there yet. So I feel for you. There is the depression, and there is the physical discomfort of being cold all the time. I have found things that help me manage the depression part. A daily walk (bundled) in the sunshine really helps me. But it was 39 degrees this morning and I felt so depressed over it. Honestly, I even live in a fairly mild climate and I still feel this way! In any case, I'll remember a prayer for you as well and hope for an early spring!

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    1. Oh Sheila, I really do understand ALL that! You'll be in my prayers too!

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  3. I have a hard time in the winter, but I don't dread it as you do. It must be difficult to be able to enjoy the fall season knowing that it means winter is just that much closer. I hope you get to enjoy a few beautiful moments that fall has to offer and that this years plan will work out better for you. For me, what helps is getting my butt outside, in the cold, in the snow, and doing things. Even though it's dark and cold, getting out helps me forget that. And there is something about the night sky in the winter that I find more beautiful. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

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    1. I have heard many people say that going outside, even though it's cold, is key. So we are planning on lots of hikes, cold or not! Usually, we just don't and I'm thinking that may be a bit of the problem. Thank you so much for your encouraging words!

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  4. I'm struggling too. I have that tendency just toward depression--actually summer is usually worst! But last winter was so cold and blah and I don't know...I'm just not into it and usually I'm a fall lover. Working on the embrace--was actually going to post about it :)

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    1. I've read of your struggles over on your blog Lindsey and I know how hard it can be to struggle with depression and still be a 'got it all going on mama'. I have a plan for this winter though and I have really high hopes that it will not be anything like last winter!!!! Thanks for stopping by!

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When y'all leave comments, my heart just swells! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

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