And More Dirty Laundry {Part One}

I think this week should be called "The Week Of Transparency". I should start by saying that this wasn't a post I ever wanted to write. Why you ask? Well, I shared a post on depression earlier in the week and just the very next day, another of my WELL hidden flaws came to light. Boy, God's just really working on me this week! I guess it's better to just air ALL my dirty laundry at once, huh? So, grab a cup of coffee and have a seat, this is gonna be a little long! Can't say I didn't warn you.......

In this time we live in, there's no room for imperfection. Everywhere we look we're bombarded with PERFECTION, even the blogging world contributes. When I met my husband twenty three years ago, I was a size 4/6. I never had weight issues as a child or teen, and I was very aware that I had something that other's wanted, and I liked knowing that. No one told me that those feelings were sinful and that they were called pride. When I became pregnant with our first child, things q-u-i-c-k-l-y changed. Whoa, they really changed. I've been fighting and loosing the battle of the bulge ever since. I have hated how my body has looked for LOTS of years. I've lost a little, gained a little, and found myself mostly parked at a place way left of perfection. 

Now that you are up to speed on my weight struggles, here's how it's playing out in my life right now. My thirteen year old daughter has grown up watching me go through several outfits before I walk out the door, because each one just wasn't right or made me look fat. She's heard me fret over my weight, for, well, her whole life. Now keep in mind that she's a size 2/4. I've watched for months as she tosses MANY outfits before she walks out the door, but I've turned a blind eye to her habit because if I faced her issue, I'd have to face mine. I've noticed how she seems to stay in the bathroom forever before considering herself "ready to go". I just figured that I spent lots of time primping and fussing over details as a teen, and she's just going through that same stage. I didn't really want to investigate what was taking her so long. The other night she came to me in tears, and I now know that she doesn't like what she sees in the mirror when she looks at herself. WHAT??? She's a size 2/4, did I mention that??? She's got legs up to here, long flowing, wavy hair and she's sooooo beautiful. But, that's not what she sees reflecting back at her when she looks in the mirror.

What's the bible verse about the sins of the father? Yep, she's grown up thinking that women don't like their bodies because she's watched me loathe mine. Oh-my-goodness-what-have-I-done? My negative body image has been reflected upon my daughter, and is likely to show up in our other daughter when she reaches her teen years. 

I have chosen to selfishly see my weight struggles as only my own, but it's far from it! My loathing of my body, has now skewed my daughter's perception of her own body. In order to help her change her perceptions, I have to change mine. But wait, hold up here, I've spent twenty three years in this funk, you mean I have to change how I feel about my own body so I can help her change how she feels about hers? Dang, God. Why do you ask so much of me?

Friends, young girls are watching how we perceive ourselves and I think that it's not so much that the world asks perfection of us that's the problem. Maybe the problem is how we react to it's asking. What if the world was asking for perfection and instead of us crumbling and feeling defeated and crushed because we can't possibly achieve it, what if we reacted with strength instead. What if we as women LOVED ourselves and wore bright red even when our heart cries out to wear black. If we bucked the perfection request, what would our daughters see then. My daughter would have seen a mom that was comfortable in her own skin, one that put one outfit on and was pleased with what she saw in the mirror. Mine, in all her beauty, would realize the perfection of God's creation. And suddenly all that the world throws at us would not have nearly as much power.

Join me today as I begin to learn to love myself right where I am, right now at 5'4 1/2" and 156 pounds. Ouch, that hurt saying that out loud! Don't make me do this alone y'all! I know that some of you feel this way too and if you have a daughter, she may be learning some things from you that you weren't even aware you were teaching. Let's start loving our bodies TODAY, K? On Monday, come right back here, same place, same time, because I'm going to tell you how I'm back peddling out of this mess I've gotten myself into. That should be fun right? Until next time.......

Here's a quick link to Part Two of And More Dirty Laundry.

Linking At:

*In Courage*  *Natasha In Oz*  *Create With Joy*  *Tatertots And Jello*  *My Pinterventures*
*A Life In Balance*  *Carrie This Home*  *I Should Be Mopping The Floor*  *One Krieger Chick*