Monday, August 15, 2016

Gratitude and My Craigslist Obsession

Oh how I struggle y'all. Gratitude can be a tough one to hold on to, have you noticed? To pause each and every day and be grateful for every part of your life at that moment, whew, it's harder some days than others.

Case in point, camping, I love me some camping, like lots, like too much. What's not to love? All that adventuring is beyond awesome! Last year, we purchased a little pop-up camper and it's been absolutely amazing and has allowed us to travel and experience life and learning in a whole new way. It's the greatest thing since sliced bread y'all. Seriously. But, and this is a biggie, as we begin to expand our traveling horizons and plan several really large trips, I've started looking, dreaming, dare I say coveting, larger campers. Yes, I really, really want a C Class RV folks and I've become totally, hopelessly, obsessed. They say the first step to recovery is to admit that you have a problem. I stand before you today to admit that I am beyond smitten with motor-homes, there, I've said it out-loud, now let the healing begin.

There's nothing wrong with dreaming, but sometimes the dream can overshadow the here and now and suck the gratitude from THIS day that we've been given. I may or may not spend waaaaaaay too much time on Craigslist, like EVERY day y'all. I'm thinking of starting a 12-step program, as I'm pretty sure there may be others out there that suffer from my RV smitten disorder.

Excuse me for getting a little personal here, but often what we want is not at all what we need. I've kinda learned that the hard way. I desperately want a motor-home, and I hope to have one in the not so distant future, but right now isn't the right time. Financially, we need to save more and we'd have to sell our pop-up before purchasing anything, but the biggest reason, and it's gargantuan, is that until I'm able to master gratitude for all the things God has provided our little family, including our pop-up, anything new would be tainted. Taking on debt would be a really bad move for us and even though every fiber of my being really wants to go out there and get what I want, when I want, I know in my heart it would be all wrong. Purchasing an RV not within God's timing would be a huge no no. That RV would be a shiny red apple on the outside with a nasty bitter taste on the inside. I've had that bitter apple before, I've put the proverbial cart before the horse and let me tell you, it's no way to live. I never want to live that way again.

So today, I'm focusing more on the here and now, and less on the future. I'm committed to an untiring pursuit of daily gratitude.............and, just by chance, if you happen to know of any good deals on a C Class, oh shoot, there I go again, prayers welcomed as I continue to pursue daily gratitude.............

Monday, July 25, 2016

Balance Lost

Balance is a skill that has eluded me most of my adult life. Since before I was a blogger, I've admired many a fellow blogger as she writes of some terrible tragedy in her life, or some life altering illness, and somehow she keeps right on blogging during her recovery process while at the same time juggling homemaking and three little kids. It baffles me how these women manage in what seems like a flawless dance where at the end of each day, they've managed to get it all done. I don't know how they do it. I'm not that woman. My life's not flawless, sometimes it's a bumpy, lumpy mess.

I've been gone for a while from this little blog of mine. I've felt all the emotions that go along with that. Failure, guilt, I've felt lots of those. I found that I wasn't one of those other women, one that keeps on ticking {remember those old Timex commercials??}, nor was I the infamous energizer bunny. Nope, I was a mere mortal, that during tough times, I retreated into myself to heal and could barely get anything done. I've been in survival mode for months and I'm a little ragged looking around the edges. Our home has been in the care of our three littles for what seems like forever. Praise the Lord for children and husbands willing to not only help out in tough times, but literally take my place. I don't know what I'd do without them.

No, I'm not dying, {whew!}, but figuring out what's wrong with me has been a months long battle. In hindsight, I guess I started feeling a little off last December, tired more than usual. It continued throughout the winter and then in March, I had that totally random pinched nerve thing, so crazy. I've not gotten back to my old self since that occurred. I've been completely exhausted for months and it's changed everything. A couple of months ago, more obvious symptoms began to quickly unfold and I was going from doctor to doctor and test to test searching for an answer. Then, a few weeks ago, it became extremely clear what was wrong with me, I was having my first Crohn's flair-up in thirty years.

If any of you have Crohn's disease or know someone that does, you'll know that not ever having a flair-up in thirty years is a miracle in itself. People with Crohn's are sick y'all, like messed up all the time. Believe me, I know how blessed my life has been. No doctors, no meds for thirty years, that's practically unheard of, which is why I've not even considered that I may be feeling ill because of my Crohn's, last thing on my list y'all. I'm still in the testing phase of this current issue trying to pinpoint exactly where my Crohn's has flared this time, and yes, the tests are not pleasant. It requires that I be put to sleep, over and over, and nobody likes that, but we do what we gotta do, right?

I guess that the burden of not knowing what was wrong with me was laying so heavily upon me that I just stopped writing. I wasn't seeing very much beauty or joy around me and I felt that I had absolutely nothing to write about, the words all dried up. I've missed this place so much and y'all, I've missed y'all so much. I'm praying that I'm here to stay, back on this little blog, but if I go missing, please know that I'm healing.

It hasn't been all doom and gloom over here. Since I've let the house go all to _____, {well, I'll let you fill in the blank!} we have done a bit of camping, and we have several more trips planned this year that I can't wait to tell you all about! I'm so excited, squeal! We've been camping in our little pop-up for a whole year now and it's waaaaay past time for me to write a little one year anniversary post. And just in case you're wondering, I'm still totally smitten by camping, totally!

I've missed this little place and y'all so much, hopefully there's still someone out there that waited for me and didn't loose hope. Give me a shout out if you're still here, it would really make my day! Hugs sweet ones and thanks so much for sticking around!

Monday, May 16, 2016


This morning, I'm going to let you in on a little secret, I'm an INTROVERT, in all caps. Growing up, I mostly fought it, despised it, cursed it, but once I became an adult, out of school, not forced to embrace people all the time, I learned to be okay with who I really was, embrace it even. As an adult, I decided when and with whom, I wanted to socialize. It's been lovely all these years, completely lovely, until now that is.

God has decided that I need to learn to embrace people more, so into the fire I've been thrown, noooooo. I've argued my case with Him, to no avail I should say, so in the fire I stay. The cause, I'm the mama of two teenage girls. All you mama's out there are going to recognize this dilemma I've unwittingly fallen into, it's called teens like socializing, and it's so uncomfortable for me, which gets us right back to why God has thrown me into the fire. I don't understand the why part, but He obviously didn't agree with me that I was just fine in my own little tiny corner of the universe???  I thought it was all kinds of awesome, He thinks differently, shoot.

So, here lately I've found myself, socializing at multiple proms, having too many sleepovers to count, hosting cookouts with no less than fifteen teens, have I lost my ever-lovin' mind?, chauffeuring around teens, mine and others, to various local events, many late nights with kids and their parents at local eateries celebrating this and that, really Lord, are you kidding me???? My daughters, mercy how I love y'all, but you're killing me!

All you regular, sociable folks out there won't get this at all, but for the rest of you, this is hard! So hard, in fact that I shut down completely from the toll it takes on me mentally, which may explain why I disappear from this blog at times. Sound crazy?  It feels crazy inside my head, and the struggle is real my friends, but for whatever reason, God wants me uncomfortable right now and if I could see the big picture like He can, I'm sure I'd totally get it, but right now, little ole me is treading water struggling to keep from drowning.

So back to the title, stretched, where are you right now? Is God giving you a makeover too, stretching and pulling you in all directions? It hurts doesn't it? Believe me honey, I know how it hurts. I have to remind myself daily how it's all for something good, and it will be revealed in His time, not mine, but doggone it's hard. If you're struggling with change today, I'm right there with you sista, you are not alone.
Amy {CEO Introverts Unite}

Blogging tips